i just wanna soil my oats bro
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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