The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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