i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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