everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
