grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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