Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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