I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
