I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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