Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
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Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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