I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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