But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
