not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I met the friendliest cop last night
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
