i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
