I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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