dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
