he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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