Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
