You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
