"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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