If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
