His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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