People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
