how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Acid is not a monday night drug
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
