My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
