it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
