Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
honey bunches of taint.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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