I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
