The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
