That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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