i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You took a bar mat shot.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
