dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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