you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
high people should be assigned attendants
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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