it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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