____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
