On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
