can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
