i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
