This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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