I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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