so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
