So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
