If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
