its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
