I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
