Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
