you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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