I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
