all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
