i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
