He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
