And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
