that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am available for nakedness
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
