i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
