i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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