DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So. Much. Porn.
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