This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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