Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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