Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
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Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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