DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
