Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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