I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
